Okay, seriously, close your text editor and listen to me. You have been misled. I realize that the promise of a simple SQL interface for your data seems appealing. “Oh, it will be so convenient, I can just link in SQLite and all of my data management is taken care of,” you said to yourself. But someone deceived you. Either through omission, misdirection, our blatant lie, you were led to believe that SQLite performance would be acceptable. “But {Firefox | Amarok | Some Other App} uses it,” you’ll say. “And besides, I don’t even have that much data. A few hundred rows at most,” you continue. “And I’m not like those other chumps, I know how to set up high performance databases like a real database developer. I know all about coupled indexing, referential integrity, third normal form, performance optimizing, transactions, caching, compacting, and so on. I’ll even run the queries in a separate thread or process so that they don’t kill my app’s responsiveness.” You’ve thought it all through, good job. Now here’s the bad news: it doesn’t matter. I’ve been there. I’ve seen others there. Smart people. They all make the same basic assumption and they all fail miserably. Note that shipping with a poorly performing app also counts as failure. Have you ever seen Firefox lock up for several seconds on a top of the line desktop machine as it tries to fill in the address bar suggestions? Once its places.sqlite gets over a couple of megs, it is brought to its knees. Amarok is no better. My experiences have been the same. I’ve personally seen SQLite pulled from several projects (by myself and others) due to performance. It just couldn’t be made to work. The ones that kept it ended up effectively caching the entire thing in their own memory structures anyway. It’s not worth it. SQLite is too slow for your project. It’s time to man-up, write some data structures. Do yourself and your users a favor.

You wish you had this lunch box in fourth grade. Your parents probably didn’t love you enough to get you one. Let’s ignore the fact that the Go-Bots were a crappy transformers knock-off that nobody really liked, and the lack of perspective in the artwork. It was bright red, there were cartoon robots involved, and yes, there was a matching thermos. And if you were really lucky, there was a fruit roll-up for dessert. Jealous?

In retrospect, I think my brother had this one. I had The A-Team lunch box, which was way cooler.

Another year and no jet packs. It’s been 8 years into the new millennium* and I still have to drive my car on the ground. Now, I understand that several challenging issues have not been resolved before I can fly to work, but the fact of the matter is that I was promised by numerous science-fiction works that this is to be made available to me shortly into this century. So listen, I don’t want any excuses. I want people, corporations, governments, everyone, collaborating, sharing ideas, putting forth their best effort so that I can have a goddamn hover bike already. Or at least a car that transforms into a giant robot.

* If you’re thinking of arguing that it’s seven years, no, a continuous number scale doesn’t work like that.

Shac: great
Shac: why am i here?

Natalie: well this is a process, First of all I have to create your account if you are a new customer, then set up your services and/or the promotions you want, and finally I can see the Installation dates we have available.
Natalie: Please give me a moment to review you Order Information and search for your address.

Shac: ok. i’m not really sure why i need to talk to you to get this done when i just entered all of this through the web forms.

Natalie: yes, well I see you want to get High Speed internet promotion $19.99, is this correct?

Shac: yes

Natalie: I see you are not a current cable customer, and this promotion is just for cable customer so it does not apply to you.

Shac: lovely

Natalie: we have to verify the information Shac.
Natalie: I can offer you to get Basic Cable.
Natalie: for just $14.77
Natalie: so then you get the promotion.

Shac: what is the channel lineup on that?

Natalie: it comes with just the basic and local channels, you can go to comcast.com enter your address, select basic cable and click on channel line up
Natalie: I am offering it to you because it is the cheapest one we have, and then the promotion will apply.

Shac: and i can cancel it any time?

Natalie: other option you have is to get Internet for the regular price which is $ 58.95 without cable
Natalie: yes, you can cancel at any time
Natalie: there is no contract with us.

Shac: okay, let’s do that.

Natalie: Great!

Shac: i’ll be cancelling it tomorrow, so i’ll talk to you again then.

Natalie: one moment while i process your order.
Natalie: you have to wait for the installation
Natalie: in order to cancel a service.

Shac: i will

Natalie: Ok, as you prefer
Natalie: for the installation there is available on Firday 12/14 from 4 to 6pm, is this convenient for you?

Shac: yes.

Natalie: great!.
Natalie: I would like to remind you that there are some Installation Requirements which are described below:
-An over 18 year old English speaker must be at home to receive our technician .
-If you have pets, please keep them tied and away from the installation area.
-All the furniture and equipment must be at least 3 feet away from the wall.
-A technician will call you 30 minutes before he arrives in order to confirm the appointment.

Shac: will the internet service be installed at that time?

Natalie: yes.
Natalie: Your monthly bill will be for $38.92 including basic cable $14.77 , High Speed Internet promo $19.99, mode lease $3, taxes and fees $1.16
Natalie: the internet promotion is for 6 months , after that the price will go up to the regular one unless you cancel or change the service
Natalie: Your Comcast account number is 1234567890.

Shac: okay

Natalie: We are all set now. Is there anything else i could do for you today?

Shac: no, thanks.

Natalie: your welcome!, Remember that in Comcast we are ready to assist you 24/7 at our toll free number 1-888-COMCAST (1-888-2662278), www.comcast.com or in your Nearest Service Center.
Natalie: Thank you for your preference Shac. It was a pleasure assisting you, I hope you have an excellent day and coming Holidays also!.

Shac: thank you. i look forward to using your monopoly service.

I still need to find an apartment. Everyone says that it’s been unseasonably cold this past week, but I think they’re all liars. It’s probably this cold all the time and they just say that to screw with the new people. We shall see, I guess, whether we like it or not. I know one thing, I’ll be looking closely at the heaters in my potential new places.

Either way I win.

Lego made me an engineer. It’s undeniable. They’re really the best toy you could ever give to a child. If you’re not giving your kids Lego, I’m pretty sure that qualifies as child abuse. First, if your child is stupid enough, they will choke on it, so that saves you the expense of raising them all the way. Otherwise, it teachs how to put parts together and build something. I’m not talking about a stupid jigsaw puzzle. You can follow the directions and build the thing that came in the box. Then you can take that apart and build awesome new things that you come up with. Moving things, with wheels and hinges and radar dishes that retract. Did I mention there are laser guns? Make your own toys and then play with them! Legos are fucking awesome.

But beware the dark side of Lego. One night, when you’re walking to your bed in the dark, you will have a Lego block firmly embedded in your foot. It’s going to hurt and leave a nice indentation in there. Enjoy.

They also had a lot of chatter during the show, between almost every song. Most of it was amusing. It’s nice to see the singers as real people, and it added a lot to the show. But every time I see that, I have to wonder, how much of it is repeated at every performance. A good deal I bet, but it still felt pretty genuine. Just because they repeat it doesn’t mean it’s not true.

The answer they want you to give is the following. Manhole covers are round so that they cannot fall into the manholes no matter which orientation they are. This gives the interviewer a smug feeling that he can derive something meaningful from mundane details that you obviously don’t see. The real reason manhole covers are round is because manholes are round, and the reason manholes are round is that for the most part they are made by companies that specialize in making pipes. This is of course ignoring the states and countries where manhole covers are not round. Manhole covers are round because they are often too heavy for one man to lift, but one man can roll one along the ground. Manhole covers are round because they are less likely to bend due to the way they distribute pressure. Manhole covers are round because they are easier to align (thanks Wikipedia), and of course, aesthetic value. All of these are perfectly valid answers. Would they net you the job? I suppose it’s more a question of testing the interviewer than you.

As for not falling in, there is a class of shapes with a constant diameter (of which a circle is just one) that fit the criteria for not being able to fall in (hint: the midpoint of the diameter is not fixed as it is rotated). So not falling in is not sufficient to explain its circular nature. Why is it a circle and not any of those other shapes?

If you know someone who is asking this on technical interviews, please punch them in the face. Thanks.